On Second Thought, Don't Say Cheese

I am the father of two girls who are not yet teens, but the fact that I am still alive to compose this column, considering what I read mere minutes ago and might have to someday deal with as a father of girls who are not yet teens, is not so much a testament to my health as it is confirmation that there is truth to the adage "God protects children and fools." (I would be the latter.)

In a June 4, 2008 story, dateline Hartford, CT, Associated Press reporter Stephanie Reitz opens with the following paragraph:

"Passing notes in study hall or getting your best friend to ask a boy if he likes you or, you know, LIKES you, is so last century. Nowadays, teenagers are snapping naked pictures of themselves on their cell phones and sending them to their boyfriends and girlfriends."

Check please!

The story goes on to describe how incidents like this are occurring in schools across the country; how scorned lovers exact revenge by posting private pictures to the Internet; how this type of behavior complicates law enforcement investigations; and how one enterprising young man attempted to sell DVDs containing photographs he had amassed. Really. Ah, capitalism.

As much as I loathe cliché, this appears to be a chicken-or-egg situation, and it goes something like this:

Chicken: Have teens always been this monumentally stupid, but today's technology affords them the opportunity to showcase their stupidity on a global scale? Or...

Egg: Has technology's convenience and prevalence led teens to a level of apathy so great in scope, it has made them de facto imbeciles?

Reitz writes, "Psychologists said the phenomenon reflects typical teenage hormones and lack of judgment, with technology multiplying the potential for mischief. It also may reflect a teenage penchant for exhibitionism, as demonstrated on MySpace and countless other Web sites and blogs." In the realm of the cliché, the answer is, "The chicken appears to have come first, with the egg helping it to become a bigger chicken." Or something like that. Forgive me. I told you I loathe cliché. Besides, I'm still coming off that near-death experience.

I agree with the psychologists. Teens have always been exhibitionistic hormones on feet, and snapping camera phone pictures in the 21st century is no different than taking digital photos in the '90s, filming "home movies" on VHS in the 80s, taking Polaroids in the '70s, shooting on Super 8 in the '60s, and so on, all the way back to scratching out cave drawings in the Millions-BC. (Oh come on. You know that some cave teen, in an effort to impress his cave buddies, drew two very large circles on a cave wall and grunted, "No really! Her boulders are THIS BIG.")

One key difference between today's situation and the situations of yesteryear, other than sheer convenience, is the ease of access to the photos...by anyone. What today's teens forget, or fail to consider in the first place, is that just as easily as they share with global friends and lovers every pore of their skin via the Internet, they unintentionally share the same with the billions of strangers who know how to use Google. And since they aren't thinking about those strangers, they aren't thinking about who those strangers might be; not just creepy bad guys and vengeful social enemies, but college administrators...military recruiters...prospective employers...and even potential love interests.

Suzy: "Johnny! Why are you dumping me? I thought we were falling in love."

Johnny: "Sorry, baby. But if you show up on websites looking like THAT, I have wonder how many 'hits' you've had, if you catch my drift."

The other key difference between today's and yesterday's scenarios, and the difference with perhaps the greatest significance, is the permanency of cyberspace. Sure, many of today's foolish actions carry no long-term consequences, but cyber-shamelessness can. And pictures on the Internet aren't like juvenile criminal records that are sealed when you turn 18, or tattoos that can be removed or covered, or substance-fueled overindulgences that sleep and aspirin help mitigate. They will be there for as long as there is an Internet, so the youthful indiscretion of today can wreak havoc with the opportunity of tomorrow...or 20 years from tomorrow.

Now, if you will excuse me, I have some old VHS tapes that need erasing.