I wonder...

I wonder...why do men wear camouflage?

I'm not talking about soldiers or hunters; I get that. I mean guys like the one I saw in aisle 12 at the supermarket the other day, in his camouflage t-shirt. Where I live, camouflage-as-fashion-statement is so popular, I would dare say that camouflage is the new black. However, I wanted to go up to the guy and say, "You know I can still see you, yes?"


I wonder...how do the dead feel about being immortalized with stickers?

Joining the automotive pop-cultural ranks of bumper stickers and "Baby on Board" signs are decal memorials to the deceased. Most of these stickers begin with "In Loving Memory of..." and include at least a name, and dates of birth and death. When I see these tombstone-like messages on rear windows, I want to flag down the driver and ask him if he had hit the decedent with that car, or if the departed were perhaps interred somewhere in the vehicle. I begrudge no one their right to grieve, but placing a memorial next to a sticker of that little brat peeing on Tony Stewart's #20 kind of cheapens the sentiment.


I wonder...have Bluetooth users looked in the mirror lately?

For those of you over the age of 30, wearing a Bluetooth device in your ear makes you look like you're on your way to the STAR TREK convention, which is NOT A COMPLIMENT. And for you professionals out there in your pinstripes or your Jimmy Choos, accessorizing your power-appearance with a glowing gizmo hanging from the side of your head makes you look no less ridiculous than if you showed up to the board meeting in a tube top.


I wonder...where are the losing children?

At the youngest levels of youth athletics, all children get participant trophies and all games end in ties. Sure, we want to shelter our kids from the ills of the world, but as much as life is about how you play the game, it is also about winning or losing - in all areas of life. Not every kid will go to the prom with head cheerleader, not every job promotion will be given, and not every home pregnancy test will show...well, insert YOUR desired result here. The sooner kids learn this, the better prepared they will be to handle life's setbacks. So I ask you, where are the losing children? I went to school with losers. Surely they have bred.


I wonder...does that make you look fat?

Yeah, it does. Sorry.