Beam Me Up, Jesus

It’s been a few weeks since Pope Benedict XVI celebrated mass at New York’s Yankee Stadium. Oh, for want of a local church with luxury boxes, a JumboTron, and a dude who brings hotdogs to your seat.

This pope’s inaugural stateside visit was an exciting time for devout Catholics in the United States, and it was just as exciting for a Lapsed Catholic like me, because it gave me a chance to again embrace my faith…and so soon after Easter! As a bonus, what with church carnival season just around the corner, Christmas seems so much closer now.

But ever since Shepherd One – a moniker for the pontiff’s plane (and perhaps the title of an upcoming Harrison Ford movie) – went wheels-up and headed home to Vatican City, I’ve been left wondering about what we Lapsed Catholics can do to maintain the high interest level that the pope’s visit inspired (or at least attempted to encourage). The answer finally came to me in the 21st century equivalent of the burning bush: the Associated Press.

In a story filed this week by the AP’s Ariel David, “Believing that the universe may contain alien life does not contradict a faith in God, the Vatican’s chief astronomer said in an interview published Tuesday.” The AP piece later states, “In the interview by the Vatican newspaper L'Osservatore Romano, [Jesuit director of the Vatican Observatory Rev. Jose Gabriel] Funes said that such a notion ‘doesn't contradict our faith’ because aliens would still be God’s creatures. Ruling out the existence of aliens would be like ‘putting limits’ on God’s creative freedom, he said.”

Don’t misunderstand me. It isn’t the notion that the Catholic Church has validated the possibility that life on other planets exists that has my interest piqued, nor is it the opportunity to sit in an otherwise brutally boring staff meeting, look my boss dead in the eye, and say, “Hey! The Catholic Church says that God might have created life on Uranus.”

I’m excited by the fact that there is such a place as the Vatican Observatory! And they have a chief astronomer! I thought the Chief Catholic Astronomer was God! Who knew? And before today, if someone had asked me about the church’s position on outer space, I would have said, “Catholic? Outer space? Yes, we call that Heaven.”

As of today, I have found my faith to be reinvigorated by the potential for unique employment opportunities. Not only is there a Vatican Observatory, there is someone out there who makes OFFICIAL papal merchandise (as opposed to that cheapy knock-off junk you might find at your local farmer’s market).

Head on over to www.popevisit2008.com and you, too, can purchase Vatican-licensed merchandise to help you keep the faith! My faves? I like the $4.50 dog tags, because there is something so very crusade-y about combining God and military-style IDs. I also like the $18.50 t-shirt emblazoned with “Property of Benedict XVI” which, with its blatantly athletic overtones, makes me wonder if they ever considered emblazoning merchandise with the slogan “Just Pew It.”

See! I’m a natural! Vatican Human Resources, here I come!